Having been born and lived in Australia most of my life, we were taught that the Australian Aboriginals were the first to occupy and that was it.  Unfortunately, 35 years ago, we were not taught how to interact, understand their language or culture.  Today, going into classrooms now, we are better e quipped and regularly have interactions with elders and now have cultural centres where we can better understand their connections to land and people.

​Indigenous Etiquette – Australian Aboriginals and Torres Straight Islanders
What is Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander etiquette?  I recently asked a Yorta Yorta brother and a Pitjantjatjara sister both living in Alice Springs, their advice:

• These traditional cultures place importance with building and maintaining rapport and trust. When introducing yourself, do it with warmth and sincerity.  Talk about yourself first. Be slow, simple and methodical, as English may not be their first language.  Dialects such as Kriol, Aboriginal English or Torres Strait Creole may be spoken.  There are over 300 Aboriginal languages spoken throughout Australia and Torres Strait Islands.

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• It's best to avoid eye contact at first and look away while you are talking.  It is a gesture of respect.  Direct eye contact may be viewed as aggression, rudeness and disrespectful.  Always observe the other person's body language, then use it to guide your own facial expressions and body language.  Be mindful of cross-gender eye contact, only do so when there is conversation initiated.

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• Avoid asking too many questions, if you are not familiar with them, explain why you need to ask questions.  The best way is to speak about who you are, where you are from, where your family is from and where you’re going.  Perhaps, use a story to get the answer to your question.  They will tend to open-up.

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• A form of direct respect is using the titles of ‘Aunty’ or ‘Uncle’, they may not be your actual family or even older than you.  If you have been living in an area a long time and are familiar with its people, you may be honoured and asked to call someone their ‘sister’ or ‘brother’.​ ​

• Listening is imperative.  Due to spoken and body language differences, the person may make an explanation of something in a way that you are not used too.  Take time out to actively listen, do not interrupt or talk-over, show kindness.  You may want to paraphrase and repeat back what they said to show you are listening and wanting to understand.

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• Be aware that due to language differences or due to shyness, that an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander may say ‘yes’ to your questions, even if they are not in agreement with you. They may simply wish to end the conversation and by saying ‘yes,’ they feel like they can conclude the exchange, especially if they do not understand what you are saying. It is wise to take time to explain in a parable or story, what you need or require.  You may need to find an interpreter.

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• Be mindful of personal space.  Standing too close, especially with the opposite gender, could be sending signals that could be interpreted wrongly.  Best to keep the usual amount of distance away.  Always ask permission to touch another person.
• Time is counted differently.  Community values and family responsibilities will be prioritised over time.  When making an appointment, be flexible.

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• Breaches of confidentiality can lead to shame (shame is the feeling of humiliation or distress) based on over-sharing personal and private information with others.  It is advised to have serious discussions, holding it in a place the person is most comfortable, private and away from public spaces.  Talking about ‘men’s’ and ‘women’s’ business needs to be kept private and confidential, you want to engender trust and rapport.  Once that is broken, all association with that person could end permanently.

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• If you are travelling around Australia and Torres Strait Islands and want to walk on their land, you must ask for the owner or elder permission to approach them, then you are able to ask if you're able to walk on their land.  You must be able to make an acknowledgement of country.  It is a way that we can show respect for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander heritage and have an ongoing and open relationship with the traditional owner of the land.

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• Please be aware, different states, different areas, tribes or associations of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders, culture and language will differ.

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​Afternoon tea at the grand Hotel Windsor is certainly a grand experience.  Welcomed past the warm sun-soaked stone façade and the pretty window boxes of red geraniums into the charming reception of this five-star Victorian-era hotel, one of Australia’s finest, we were ushered through to the luminous room hosting the afternoon tea whose large windows offered views over Spring Street to the stately Parliament House.
 
Seated at one of the finely dressed round tables where we were again welcomed, our afternoon of indulgence commenced.  A 19th century practice imported from England to Australia, afternoon teas are a celebration of high-quality reinterpretations of the basics – tea, finger sandwiches, sweet and savoury tarts, and a selection of deserts.  Windsor Hotel – or The Windsor, as it currently calls itself – has been the place in Melbourne to experience afternoon tea for over 130 years.
 
How It Started
Served by the highly attentive staff with a fine attention to detail, our experience unrolled as smoothly as the gentle apple notes of the French sparkling wine gave way to a rounded wood finish and we worked our way through each tier elegantly sitting on Noritake plateware.  We were presented with petite savoury pastries on the upper tier: Cornish pasties and confit onion tart.  The balance of organic vegetables in the Cornish pasties were encased in utterly buttery pastry that reflected the season’s change to autumn.  The slow-cooked caremelised onions were a perfect match with the goat’s milk cheese and orange reduction, served with a half-slice of cherry tomato for an acid bite and visual appeal.
 
The Three Tiers of an Afternoon Tea
The lower tier presented ribbon sandwiches with a distinct English touch with a nod to Asia: the salmon sandwiches with dill, mayonnaise and gherkin were served in a milk bun reminiscent of Hokkaido.  Roasted walnuts give a delightful textural crunch to the sandwich containing tender roast chicken with celery.  Finally, the traditional egg with mayonnaise ribbon sandwich hit a new high with a daring dash of horseradish.
 
The middle tier we kept for last to finish on a sweet note.  The three desserts were simply too beautiful to eat, but we did anyway, to our delight.  The shining sphere of almond sponge and basil mousse covered in strawberry lacquer was a triumph.  Caroline and Stéphanie Tatin would have approved of the apple tarte tatin whose walnut sablé crumbled delicately in the mouth, the perfect foil for the apples and classic vanilla cream.  The buckwheat and dark chocolate tart gave us a taste both of Bretagne in the west of France and South-East Asia, the former through the buckwheat sablé and the latter through the tart gelée of the kalamansi citrus fruit, joined by a delectable dollop of 65% dark chocolate cremeux.
 
It’s All In The Tea
Of course, the afternoon tea wouldn’t be an afternoon tea without the tea!  Our server helped us to choose teas that would most suit our preferences, giving information that supplemented the brief descriptions given in the tea menu.  The aromatic tea, after being brewed at the correct temperature, was served into porcelain cups.  For those who had room, the scones – plain or with plump sultanas – were just as they should be: buttery with a giving crumb, light and well-risen.  They were served with the hotel’s eponymous jam and thick clotted cream.
 
Conclusion
There are many hotels and restaurants around the world who offer afternoon teas.  However, to succeed, the venue needs to strike the right balance between ambiance, food and beverage quality and service standards.  Whether staying in the hotel or not, the staff answered all questions in a friendly manner and served the afternoon tea in an unobtrusive way.  The delicious food showed originality and the teas utmost care in their sourcing and serving.  The Windsor’s building itself has stood the test of time – and whose guests have included several Australian Prime Ministers, Don Bradman, Claudette Colbert, Margaret Thatcher, Gregory Peck and Meryl Streep, among others, and provided an unparalleled cadre in which to enjoy the city’s best afternoon tea.

​When teaching etiquette to students, I always endeavour to introduce the old idea that etiquette is a kindness and respect that is valuable. It  also shows that respect knows no bounds. I like to give students a background of the European origins of etiquette. However, I do get asked about Australian Etiquette. Is there such a thing? Yes, there is! 
 
Etiquette has changed in Australia over the years. It was introduced when English gentry settled here in the country’s colonial infancy. Essentially, etiquette, like new laws, relationships, and services that underwrote the changes to its environment, economy and society, was re-written from the birth of Australia. 
 
My Very Australian Etiquette Discovery 
After teaching a student etiquette in the Melbourne CBD, I decided to take a walk to the State Library of Victoria, where I found an interesting read, A Guide to Australian Etiquette by Lillian M. Pyke (Lillian Maxwell), published in Melbourne at the turn of the century, and then re-published through to the war years. Her use of archaic English wording was replaced with modern English for the newer generations. Her book entailed subjects as how to perform introductions and topics of conversation to how to dress and manage matters of hygiene.
 
Polite society valued etiquette’s worth and adjusted its mindset toward that. Emphasis was put on social graces and dining behaviour. Being well-dressed was a must. The 1920’s based period drama series Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries and the 1950’s based Doctor Blake Mysteries, use forms of British etiquette in speech and comportment, which were still in use in Australia to a great extent.
 
Etiquette in Modern Times
In 1985, Ita Buttrose published “A Guide to Australian Etiquette“ detailing what she perceived to be correct comportment for modern Australia. Ms. Buttrose discusses diverse subjects such as de-escalating ‘trolley-rage’ at a store, or what to expect and experience in a mosque. In a nod to our outdoor lifestyle, she showed great concern about bare feet and having armpits on display.
 
During an ABC radio interview with Richard Aedy, Ms. Buttrose, herself described Australian society as having changed over time to become “an informal society,” However, the “fundamentals of how we treat each other, really, have never changed over the years.” Ms. Buttrose went onto say that manners “are a sign of a civilised society” that “make the world a much nicer place to be.” I agree with Ms. Buttrose wholeheartedly.
 
Etiquette almost became a lost art form after the 1960s. In the last few years, it has been making a comeback. New schools throughout Australia are being established to teach the finer subjects of etiquette, such as dining, afternoon tea and social etiquette in the form of workshops and courses. Parents are enrolling their children during school holidays in group classes to learn how to introduce themselves, use the correct cutlery, and how to navigate social media.
 
According to Seniors.com.au, “Manners and social practices help to shape a respectable society and are instilled in us from a very early age. Lack of standardised societal rules could mean a very different Australia... In today’s endlessly changing society the goal posts of ‘expected social behaviour’ also continue to change.”
 
Etiquette is a life-changing skill; a precious possession that lasts a life-time. Understanding and learning the complete skill set of manners needed for seamlessly blending into modern Australian life, can only help one succeed and flourish in this multi-cultural and multi-dimensional land.
 
Books on Australian Etiquette:

• Etiquette for Australians by Noreen Routledge 1969
• The Penguin Book of Etiquette – The complete Australian Guide to Modern Manners 2007
• Australian Etiquette of the Rules and Usages of the Best Society in the Australasian Colonies together with their Sports, Pastimes, Games and Amusements 1885

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